Sunday, August 9, 2015

Chapter 2: Jay

That old bastard.  He keeps tellin' me to calm down and man up. I AM manning up. He's the one delaying something inevitable. Whatever lay on the other side of the river is no less evil than whatever is pushing us to these shores.

This whole situation is tragedy. There's no way out. My family, my friends, hell, even this forest. Nothin's gonna be left. Whatever is coming from behind us, the river bein' the only thing in front of us, this life, this place. It a goddamned meatgrinder, and this bastard...this STUBBORN bastard... wants to go headlong into it, like some demented Valkyrie that don't know what's good for her.

God is callin' us. Callin' every single one of us to get out while we can. I'm heedin' it. That old son-of-a-bitch ain't. I prophesize, he ignores me. He's makin' me out to be some random crazy they used to lock in the local nuthouse when we had em'.

This rock. Heavy in my hand. Thinkin' I may. Samuel said "For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?" Our God, the rock.

Things are gettin' desperate around here. Food is missin', water is spoiled in most places, and this old man is sitting in the way. I see him sittin' there, lookin' across that river like it were some grand peak. He's seein' for miles, but there's only yards between us and the other side. Does justice make sense when there's no system to defend it? Or does justice exist even in anarchy? That is a question.

But not now, not yet. He has time. The Lord hath shown mercy upon him, and I shall be commanded by his will. But the Lord is the Lord of the faithful. He shall have his time.

These times. I see him twiddlin' beach sand in his fingers. How dare he molest such beauty with such impure digits and not be punished for this loathsome act. Then again, trying times like these make men doubt. And when men doubt, they come to places like this, sometimes just to twiddle sand. Lord knows, I have had my share of those times.

These events that have led me here were not unforseen. I knew they were comin'. I knew for years. It's the separation, the separation of the sheep from the goats. I will enter that holy city on high, while this bastardly apostate shall reap what he's sewn his whole life. His cowardice will, in fact, be his downfall.

And I will make sure of that when the Lord commands his conduit.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Chapter 1: Ed

We never saw it comin'. The end I mean. It cut into us like a fiery sword from Hell, but far more brutal, serrations and all. Jay said we had it comin', said the Lord was after us whatever the shit that means. Claimed that God's children had fallen. They'd fallen since their arrival in that vast garden, meant to do nothin' but the Lord's work, but it turned out rotten. Rotten it was, and rotten is all it was ever meant to be.

There is no God. Never was. Any being claimin' that title is nothing more than the psychopathic kid with the lens over the ant hill. Jay don't know a damned thing. He was never nothing but an idiot anyway. Only a boy with a mother that wouldn't let up, hammerin' those lessons into him. No matter. He never meant any harm. It's his mother I wouldn't be so sure about. 

Our small group has been lucky these past years. We've never been to the other side of the river, but no one really has since the reckoning. We heard there's a settlement over there, a settlement with food, with drink, with...people. But hearin' is different than seein'. Seein' is beleivin', or at least that's what the old timers said, the ones that remembered civilization. 

Jay says to me that he doesn't like the waitin'. He thinks it's a coward's act. He says it's not right to just sit here and see if the other side flinches first. This game of chicken he calls it. He says we need to be more aggressive. I say he's young, lookin' to start a fight that may never come. He just twitches his eyes like the weight of the universe is tryin' to crush them shut. We'll sit on the river bank for hours debatin' this, tossin' the worn rocks on the bank into the ripples of the current. Us fordin that river could be like those rocks, I tell him. No one will ever see us again. Trust me, we're safer here. He smirks, he condescends, he outright defies, but he doesn't cross.

That naggin' feel I get sittin' on that river bank is enough to kill a man. His eyes burrowin' into my head like hot nails. I get this feelin' that he'll kill me one day, or try, and send me down that river for the fish, but that's not today. But it'll happen. I'll be found miles down the banks by the eagles and crows. It would be fitting for crows to be there, them bein' sigils of death and whatnot. They would be welcome guests.

Jay is poughting. Go back to camp, I tell the boy. Your mother's probably waitin' on ya'. He doesn't look at me. Just keeps starin' upstream into the coming twilight, another day in this dead paradise expired. 

I can feel his fear. It's palpable in a brisk wind in these parts. The animals smell it. The wind blows it towards me, and I can almost taste it.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Another Realization

I've also just realized that I haven't posted anything in my blog since April 2013. Fear not, The FU is back. More to come.

The Realization

I just had a realization: Everything I knew about one person was a complete fantasy. How often has this happened to you? This may be the first time in my life when I realized that the person I knew was absolutely not there. If you've read this blog before, you may know who she is. I believe she was the topic of discussion in the entry titled Her Depression. To be perfectly honest, her depression has led her to places that most dare not to trod. Dealing with her issues has been more than a burden for me, and I can assure you it's never easy with her. However, a post on her FB account from a few months ago, which was surely about me, made a few claims that were unsavory at best and outright lies at worst. I am not a liar. I'm a man that refuses to drop everything in my life at the drop of a hat for someone that has cost me time, money, and will to deal with. I have responsibilities now to two jobs and a future wife. I wish she could get her life together, but, from this vantage point, I can't see that ever happening. But it's not that simple. I still worry about her. And I probably always will.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

New Jersey Skies

I honestly can't wait to get back to the mountains. I can almost smell them.

New Jersey skies are beyond squalid. I can't imagine the nights in China being any worse for astronomical observation than what we have here. For those of you that aren't in the know, things such as haze, street lights, atmosphere, and a plethora of other factors make for horrendous observation time. The worst part is that some of these factors can be subdued, but no one really cares enough to do anything about them. The weather is not controllable, and neither is haze. Public lighting, on the other hand, can be diverted to the ground (where it'll be more useful and efficient in energy usage) or they can be turned off when not needed. (I specifically have Manalapan Recreation Center in mind here.)

And people wonder why undetected asteroids are cruising through Russian skies: it's because to see something pitch black with little or no reflectivity from the ground is incredibly hard with dark skies, let alone skies that are so washed out that they may as well be afternoon skies. But no one cares because they feel it doesn't affect them.

Monday, December 31, 2012

New Years 2013

I remember this time last year. I was an anxious mess, waiting impatiently for the day I would move into my new house, my home. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, much akin to the feeling that most people would feel the day before a major operation. Here we are, a year on from that incredibly uncomfortable feeling, thanking my older self for staying the course and realizing that I was right from the start. I have always second guessed myself, and I always find out later that the initial answer was usually he right one. I am, as always, never wrong. Hoping that whomever reads this has an excellent and grand New Year. 2013, here we come! Sláinte!

Monday, October 22, 2012


Why does the human race want to destroy itself? Maybe it's a form of evolutionary population control, maybe it's the thrill of the violence or the sheer paranoia, or maybe it's just for the fear we instill in ourselves. The fear that bites at our necks, that seethes in the back of our skulls, the fear that one day it will be us on the other end of the bayonet. It seems we want this fear as we're not empowered to done a damn thing about it. I think I'm losing what little hope I had in the human race. We had a chance to be great. We just weren't.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The House

Well, we've been in the new house since March. I never thought I'd be a home owner. It's a bit odd, actually. I'd always been so against it. I guess when the prices and interest rates drop, it'll turn anyone into a buyer, though.

Thursday, March 15, 2012


I'm almost there. This Tuesday, the 20th, I'll officially be a homeowner. I can't wait for this drawn-out process to be over. It's an enormous headache. I guess it'll be worth it in the long run, though. However, that remains to be seen.

Friday, November 25, 2011

OWS and Ayn Rand

It seems to me that the only difference between Randian economics and the OWS movement is that the former wants to push capitalism to its furthest, purest extent, while the later wants to destroy it completely with utopianism at its heart. When it comes down to it though, they're both just speaking the same language, only in different dialects: anarchy.

Government to Rand was, in effect, there just for the base protection of the people, and had its use for nothing more than the protection of our shores. Military service was, however, completely voluntary, along with taxes. I can't imagine that system working too well at all. Imagine how many people actually would pay their taxes if they were totally voluntary. I can't imagine a valid government being able to sustain any army of any kind for any real amount of time on such a shoestring budget. This system seems like a way for Rand to claim that she wasn't an anarchist, even though she was undoubtedly one herself.

OWS, on the other hand, wants to dissolve capitalism completely. The daily drudgeries that these people voluntarily put themselves through in order to take away this countries lifeblood is staggering in its scope. They would have corporations and banks removed from power in order to create an "equal" society just because they can't trust the big banks or companies. Just a little reality check: the unions are siding with them. If they think they're no longer under the power of large corporations and big money, they had better think again. That's what union power is, big money. The only way for them to really get what they seek is pure, unbridled violence. This is the heart of anarchy.

The one thing that really catches my attention is that these two groups won't admit this flaw. The Randians want a impractical dissolution of government so that corporations can take over. OWS want the dissolution of corporations AND the government so that THEY, the "99%", will take over. I'm sorry, but neither of these arguments are viable. Corporate power is no different that governmental power and it is no less more tyrannical. Corporate power and governmental power sell themselves in slightly modulated ways. The power of the lowly, on the other hand, while sounding good and right, would have those that earned nothing to have everything. It would be a shift of power to those that feel they don't have any of their own. I can't foresee a future where the previously powerless are the ones to tell me what to do. It's completely opposite of what nature and life in general have shown me. You only know what you experience until the unexperienced befalls you.

This country is heading on a path to a basic annihilation of all its values by these two groups. On the one hand, our moral compass is being squeezed by absolute greed and avarice and, on the other, our sloth and belief in many psuedo-de facto rights is sucking life from our sense of industry. We must find a common ground. I can not stress this enough.