Friday, October 24, 2008

I Am No Longer Young (Pt. 2 of 2)

What is my mistake?

I believe that this was the question that I left for you all. I wanted the cliffhanger effect and I hope that I acheived it with the preceding entry from a few months back. Then again, I may have put this off for too long.

I think a very Buddhist way of going back and observing my life would be from the objective point-of-view. It's the only way to make a fair judgment of anything. I believe that many people don't use the objective view nearly as much as they should. This stems from the innately human concept of self and maybe even sloth. It takes practice to be objective and not take ones own self-centered and family-centered wants into account. I have tried to observe objectively but I'm no Buddha, nor Ghandi, nor Christ.  I'm Frank. I do my what I can.

From an objective view point my biggest mistakes would have to be my greatest acheivement; my independence. This took me a while to develop. Now I'm at a point where I really don't need anyone and I put this down only for the strictest interpretation. This would include family, job and just  people in general. It has come across to me that this has offered hope to many people that I do know being that just about everyone else that I know and they know needs someone. This always seems to exlude me from social functions; everyone comes with their significant other and I'm usually the "happy stag" that I think many wished they were. I have no hauser or lead weights holding me back and many, I would deduce, envy me for this even if they're not willing to admit it openly. 

From the opposing view point, many consider this selfish of me. Usually, a significant other includes children, a house, etc. I've gotten the typical "Who am I to deny my parents grandchildren?" That's the easiest question to answer; I'm me, totally independent and dependent on no one. I tend to think that things like having children is much more selfish on an ecological level (more kids equal more garbage) and children also tend to be something that people feel they need because their lower brains tells them it's the right thing to do. They claim, what I would call anyway, an illegitimate correctness but I tend to think above these bodily requests. 

Here's the real kicker; Why should I make excuses for who I am anyway? This, it turns out, is the easiest of these questions to answer; I shouldn't have to. I'm me and no one can or will change this except myself. This is my mistake, but it is also my greatest glory; the ability to observe others from the view of an outsider. I refuse to live the "every man's life" and I'll be damned if I will allow anyone to talk down to me because of my choice to live this way. 

This is my life and these are my mistakes. Get your own.


Anonymous said...

make no apologies, make no promises - that's what i say. in my experience, there are very few things a person actually NEEDS in life, and the less you need, the better off you are -i find. keep being frank, because that seemingly cold, detached guy is a hell of a lot more interesting than the masses of 'ordinary people' out there.

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting that you used the word “hauser”; I’ve heard that word before . . .

I respect you for the way you live your life Frank, I AM a bit envious, it’s why I’ve hung around so long in spite of your self proclaimed “douchebagness”, I never did agree with that self-evaluation, by the way.
I wanted you to tell me these things, instead of having to read them here. Own it Frank, it’s not a mistake, it’s who you are, it’s why I love you.
Just don’t let your fierce independence keep you from what you want . . . yes, I said WANT.

Anonymous said...

I love that last line..but are they really "mistakes" if that's what works for you?

Anonymous said...

I don't know, I could be wrong here, but an observation of the notion of "self" and objectivity seem to be in direct opposition to your statement of more children equalling more...did you say "garbage?" Interesting, for they could also be a positive change for the world. We were all children once, even the great minds of the past and the present. Everyone wants something different and just as you express your frustration at others judging your intended way of life, I believe you may be doing the same thing. Now that is "Frank" if you will, contradictory in words and in actions. One needs to read between the lines with you, and that's fine but intellectual credence then becomes questionable.